my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
