4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
