she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
