Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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