My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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