That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
