Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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