You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
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next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration