1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Christians are straight up FREAKS
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled