they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"