You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.