My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel