they need to just BURY HIM!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
being pregnant is like rehab
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.