So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
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I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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