so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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