there's paper in my vomit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
