the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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