Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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