She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina is officially offended.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize