I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
