I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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