if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
