Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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