I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more