I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My Sexting was not on an AP level