i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
