I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
