He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
