That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
