Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
