I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
