I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
