Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
