roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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