Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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