The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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