I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
