Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize