the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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