Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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