I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
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hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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