I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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