How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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