my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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