6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
