You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
