i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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