he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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