First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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