I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
