i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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