I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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