Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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