Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
