I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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