You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize